THE FEELS

As most of you know, I am an emotional person. Like, reeeeeeeaally emotional. Emotional is probably an understatement. I just feel too much! And on Monday, I definitely had feels, but not the good kind that I'm used to (like watching Ellen's 12 days of giveaways! Note: do NOT apply mascara before watching!). Instead, I had feels that made me (and maybe Chris) realize that I am truly insane. Like, on a scale from 1-Britney Spears circa 2007, I was definitely an 8. I'll paint you a mental picture...

Me in an ugly Christmas sweater, holding a pan of peanut butter fingers in the car, sobbing (way past Kim Kardashian crying ugly) + hyperventilating. Complete with mascara streaks that went all the way down my neck, and red lipstick smudged around my lips and on my teeth. If you are having a hard time picturing what that looks like, a close comparison would be The Joker, you know, who is insane.

Now that you have that lovely + flattering image of me in your mind... I'll tell you how I got to that point.

All day Monday I had been teary-eyed. I knew I was stressed about finals, but that's never made me hit the point of sobbing in an ugly Christmas sweater. All day I had just been sad and felt like I was failing at everything--school, work, church, being a good wife, etc. and when me and Chris were rushing on our way to a party, I just couldn't hold it in anymore--the feels had taken over! Next thing I know, I'm sobbing hysterically in the car trying to explain to Chris what's bothering me.
I'm going to fail my biomechanics final!
I haven't slept in three days!
I'm not going to be able to work next semester.
I barely have enough money in my account to pay for tuition.
I haven't even started Christmas shopping for anyone.
What if I don't get to student teach next semester?!
I can't even remember the last time I cooked a homemade meal!
We haven't gotten to spend anytime together!
The house is always a mess and the laundry is never folded!
There's children starving in Africa! (...I didn't actually say that, but you get the point, right?!)

....It was NOT pretty. I don't think I've ever cried so hard in my life. It was like every sad or negative thought I have been feeling this month just boiled over the surface! Luckily for me, Chris was really patient and turned the car around and took me home. His orders were to put my phone down, get in a hot bath, just relax and breathe. So, if picturing me in a Christmas sweater sobbing with mascara down my neck wasn't enough, you can always picture me naked in the tub with all my smeared make up still on and crying hysterically. I'm sure I looked like I was straight out of a horror film.

But! Don't worry! Because now that I've gotten a little more sleep and finished all my finals, I am A-OK! And starting to find myself laughing at how insane I acted/looked in front of Chris on Monday. At least we know now how to handle an almost-Britney Spears kind of melt down?  HOT BATHS + Grey's Anatomy. Oh, and lots of cuddling.

Also, because I've been too busy having mental breakdowns, here's some "good feels" I've had this month. Scroll, scroll, scroll!

Thanksgiving Point lights with the Gourley Gang! + Sharing my chocolate shake with Bryce.

Hanging out with Evie, while Chris was in California.

Watching Koree and Griffin in the nativity at their ward Christmas party.

FHE at grandma and grandpa Walker's!

My wreath that my cutest aunt Joelle helped me make! (okay, mostly made...) Thanks, Joelle!!!

I'm so grateful to be done with finals and feel like all is right in the world again. Now I just have to worry about Christmas shopping...

Good luck to the rest of you crammin' for the last of those finals!