Tuesday, August 15, 2017

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly: San Diego!

My doctor said there's only one thing he knows that even remotely helps ease the heartache of losing a baby (or babies) + infertility:
v a c a t i o n.

So, that's what we did! Doctor's order.

We talked to the roomies (my in-laws), and somehow decided on going to San Diego. Kind of random, but it was definitely a nice change of pace from our usual go-to vacation spot in St. George. Even though I kind of hated the fact that we had the opportunity to go on a vacation, I'm so happy we went. I guess my doctor knew what he was talkin' about...

Enjoy the highlights--good, bad, and ugly.

The Good:
-vacationing with the roomies!
-everything at Casa de Guadalajara... where all my cheese-filled dreams came true
-rootbeer floats in old town
-the smell of our hotel...I'm confident that the smell of the hotel is what heaven smells like + me and Martha were so in love with the smell that we asked the concierge desk what it was (it's called "attune")
-Tom G hooking it up with the best seats behind the dugout at the Padres game
-getting our pictures on the scoreboard at the game
-the pool
-frisbee contests in the pool + Chris trying to lift Marty on his shoulders
-Ghirardelli's samples and ice cream
-the "crime scene" pizza at Pizzeria Luigi (why am I so late to the ricotta cheese game? soooo amazing)
-the concierge lounge for second dinner + diet pepsi on tap 
-Coronado island
-the "frings" at Burger Lounge
-UBER (first timers!)
-watching Shark Week in a hotel bed
-Marty always having Hi-Chews on hand
-shopping in the Gaslamp District
-Hodad's...well worth the wait!!! + all the heart eyes for the best chocolate shake I've ever had
-visiting the San Diego temple SO SO PRETTY

The Bad:
-"cheese cramps" from Casa de Guadalajara
-not being able to find Casa de Guadalajara and literally taking the longest route possible to get to it
-finding out that the scent in our hotel costs $150
-Tom G "scouting things out" - I was not mentally or physically prepared for that
-me and Marty losing to Chris and Tom G in the frisbee contest
-Chris' caramel malt at Ghirardelli's not really having caramel in it
-no fry sauce in Cali :( 
-not staying at Coronado Island long enough
-Chris convincing me to walk almost 3 miles (unknowingly uphill) in the San Diego humidity to get to a golf course
-finding a raisin cookie in the chocolate chip cookie jar in the concierge lounge... oh, the trust issues!!!
-Jason having to break into our house to feed our cat while we were gone
-not catching a foul ball at the Padres game
-the honeymoon couple next to Chris on the plane "high thighing"
-getting sick from drinking the chocolate shake at Hodad's too fast
-not having enough time to try all the amazing food places in San Diego

The Ugly:
-my nightmares about falling off our 19th floor balcony hotel room
-how sore I was from doing a BBG workout in the hotel gym
-my hangry + sweaty + no-longer-curled hair from walking to the golf course with Chris
-COMIC CON convention center right next to our hotel.... 'nuff said

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Monday, August 7, 2017

Jett & Graham

Jett and Graham our hearts are full of love for you
But we feel heartache and sadness too

You brought so much excitement to all your family
Especially your dad and mom, Chris and Shayli

We all have questioned and wondered why
But as we think and pray all we do is cry

You went to Heaven, so very far away
Even though we wanted you both to stay

We miss you most of all late at night
When life is quiet and doesn't seem right

Your dad and mom prayed for you from the start
So remain close to them for they each have a broken heart

We know that rainbows come from rain
And to cherish joy we go through pain

So we will turn to light and faith in the Son
Until we meet again when our mortal journey's done

Poem by my sister-in-law, Janeene <3

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

The last few months have felt so heavy. We lost our boys to TTTS and they were born sleeping on May 17th, 2017. We miss them and the happiness they brought to us more than I think we will ever be able to describe. 

It's a little scary putting all this out on my little corner of the web, because if you've followed me for a while, you know I try not to get too serious or too personal on here. But I'm hoping that my vulnerability can help someone who has or is going through something similar, or experiencing infertility. I'm hoping that as me and Chris continue on this journey of trying to find rainbows after rain (puddles and puddles of it!), that my words or example can bring comfort to anyone who happens to stumble upon A Tidbit of Love. Even if it's just one person... I'll be happy with that.

Chris and I are already off to a good start on our journey thanks to a stupidly supportive family + friends + neighbors + strangers who have gone out of their way to bring comfort to us. I will forever be grateful. You have all inspired me to be better and want to serve more. 

So here's to vulnerability! and blogging again! And most importantly, here's to Jett & Graham-our perfect angels helping us to find and recognize all the rainbows in our life. There will always be more than just a tidbit of love in our hearts for you. 

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Thursday, April 27, 2017

Chris' List


After paying $13 for two medium-sized smoothies at Jamba Juice tonight, Chris is officially adding Jamba to his "list of places he's done with." Jamba also didn't help their cause when they added greek yogurt instead of sherbet to my smoothie, causing Chris to run back into the store and ask them to make a new one for me. I like to think that Chris' gesture was simply for me and my "pregnancy craving", but I'm pretty sure it's because he was not about to have a $5.60 smoothie go to waste. He is a Gourley, after all!  

For similar reasons, these other places are currently on Chris' "list": Swig (Chris is on his own with that one), Chili's, and Firebird Pizza. 

RIP Pink Star Smoothies. 

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Wednesday, April 5, 2017

BUMP there it is!


The bump at 17 weeks, but I am 18 weeks today.

Are bumpdates even still a thing? (Let's be honest, is blogging even still a thing...?)

*crickets*

Anyway, cringing a little bit because I always told myself that when I got pregnant I would blog/post about more than just pregnancy, but here I am! Bump picture! (a super classy one too!) + Strategically placed hand over my ever growing love handles!

But in my defense, I just feel like I have a lot of FAQs regarding my pregnancy, and what better place to answer them all than in a blog post? . . .

*crickets*

Just indulge me! Okay?! Okay.

Were your twins spontaneous or were they fertility induced twins? I'm even a little confused on this myself now because I've had two specialists tell me I'm having twins because I was on Clomid, but then I had another specialist tell me that Clomid isn't responsible for identical twins, which is what I have. Hrmph.

Are they identical? How do you know? Fun fact about my twins: They are monochorionic/diamniotic twins, aka they share a placenta, but are in their own sacs. Because they're mono/di, they're considered identical twins. Another fun fact: Google complications with mono/di twins if you really want to stress about your twin pregnancy (don't). This is also the reason why I get to see a specialist every two weeks, to make sure the babies are growing at the same rate.

Have you been very sick? I would say no. For a good part of the first trimester I prayed that I would be sick, because I just wanted to be reassured I was still pregnant (I had like zero symptoms). I started getting nauseous around week 9 or 10 and ever since then my nausea has been on/off (even in this second trimester).

Any cravings? Not really and I'm pretty sure that's just because I was a fatty before getting pregnant. There was one day where I really wanted beef Rice-a-Roni, and so I ate the entire box... that was a great day.

Food aversions? The smell of meat makes me not love life ha and chewing minty gum makes me gag. Praise watermelon gum!

Feeling any movement yet? Nope. I've had things that felt like little tiny pops, but I am trying not to get my hopes up about them.

Have you been really emotional? I've been really emotional my whole life ha! (seriously ask anyone who knows me) If anything, I feel like I'm less emotional being pregnant now, but maybe you're better off asking Chris that question. Bless that man, bless him!

How are you sleeping? I sleep fine until I have to get up to pee every 3 hours. Isn't pregnancy so beautiful?

Do you have names picked out for your boys? Yes and no. I don't love discussing names with people that aren't family, just because I don't really care about their opinions. We'll see what they look like when they come out and if our names match up!


Annnnnd there you have it! Yay, pregnancy! Yay, Gourley twins!

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Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Let's Hear It For The BOYS!

Two gender reveals, because we're THAT excited + have two huge families + we might as well get used to doing things twice... right!?

AHH, BOYS!

We are so, so happy + excited + nervous (duh).

Now that we know we're having boys, I can't help but think about all the hopes and dreams I have for them . . .

I hope they're best buds.
I hope they feel loved + valued individually, not just as twins.
I hope they wrestle with grandpa Sanderson.
I hope they go fishing with grandpa Gourley.
I hope they are gentlemen.
I hope they follow my fashion advice instead of their dad's.
I hope they kick their dad's butt in basketball on Sundays.
I hope they think my cooking is the best.
I hope they are smart... especially at math (dad will have to help them with that).
I hope they have best friend cousins.
I hope they come to know and love their Savior.
I hope they are optimistic like their dad.
I hope they play outside.
I hope they understand my humor.
I hope they get haircuts from grandma Gourley.
I hope they tell me when they have their first kiss... or at least let their dad tell me.
I hope they look forward to visiting grandma Sanderson on Sundays.
I hope they have a sprinkle of the same type of mischief their dad had growing up.
I hope they find their passion in life.
I hope they enjoy looking back deep into the archives of this blog.
I hope they know how happy they've already made me and their dad.

Annnnndd.... I hope they're okay being chauffeured around in a minivan, since that's more than likely in their near future.  

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Thursday, March 16, 2017

happies


+ getting in my car and it being HOT. bless this spring weather, b l e s s it. 

+ cold cereal. give me ALL THE COLD CEREAL! specifically cinnamon toast crunch. 

+ rimmel london's provocalips. . . hi, lipsense dupe! ($7!!!)  

+ Chopped. like, c'mon, guys! you should know you don't just crumble an ingredient over your plate, don't make ice cream in the dessert round, and don't overcook your protein. i'm totally ready to be a contestant. . . obvs.

+ donkey kong country + dr. mario with chris. despite the tension it's caused in our marriage. ha!

+ fruit punch crystal light. mmm. 

+ walks along the jordan river trail. 

+ waiting for new nephews and nieces to join the fam. yay!

+ chris taking the trash out. always.

+ kickball with my students. also, this is the dream semester, i tell you! most perfect angel kids.

+ listening to the twins heartbeats two (okay, three...) times a day (bless my sister in law for letting me use her doppler!!!) + finding out the gender tomorrow! yay yay yay!! my students think gourley twins are boys... we'll see (hopefully)!

life is so, so good.

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Sunday, March 12, 2017

a tidbit of more love...


Yep, we're expecting TWINS!(!!!!!!!) We've never been so grateful + excited + scared + overwhelmed + every other kind of emotion there is to experience when finding out there are two humans growing inside your uterus! Obviously, this is one reason why I've been so absent from the blogging world, since every post in my draft box is like "HI! I'M GROWING TWO HUMANS!" But the other reason I've been a crappy blogger is because these babies took a lot of prayers + tears + time + fertility meds (that made me a semi-psycho B-word) to get here... which obviously is another post for another day. 

Even though it's still a little scary letting everyone in our secret, we can't help but feel so overwhelmed with the amount of love and support we've already received, we are SO blessed, and know these babies are already SO loved.


Here's to two more people I get to gush about on this little blog of mine...

September can't come soon enough.

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