School Can Be Hard

I've tried so hard to NOT blog about student teaching. Really, I have. But as a result of not blogging about student teaching, I've just had nothing to blog about. So now I'm just accepting the fact that the only thing exciting/blog-worthy in my life right now is student teaching. Unless you count finding Crispy M&M's (finally!!!) and starting Friends on Netflix exciting/blog-worthy? I guess what I'm trying to say is.... you've been warned er.... sorry not sorry? Something along those lines.

Anyway, school. School was hard for me today. Not hard in the way that my lesson plan didn't go well, or that I'm behind on entering grades. No. What was hard was getting called into a meeting this morning and being told that a student was going on trial for sexually assaulting another student, and that if we heard any comments about it from other students we were to stop it immediately. All of us teachers were also asked  to consider how we might treat the student on trial if their verdict was "not guilty" and if they came back to the school and were in our class. I felt sick to my stomach thinking about the whole situation. I never thought I'd have to hear, or even consider that happening at the school I would be teaching at.  Now having to think and hear about that situation is hard for me.

Third period was also hard for me today. For an assignment I had my class keep record of  what they ate for three days, then I had them log it into MyPlate's Super Tracker today. While I was walking around the classroom making sure everyone was on task, I noticed one student (we'll call him Bob) that was just sitting there not doing anything. Here's how the conversation went:

Me: "Bob, are you having problems with the website?"
Bob: "No, I'm done logging in my food."
Me: "You already logged all three days of food?"
Bob: "Yeah, well I only ate one day..."

My heart sank as soon as he said that. If it was any other student besides Bob, I would have just thought that they were being lazy and not tracking their food (like a lot of students did), but Bob is a good student. Right after he said that, everything started to click--he's extremely thin, doesn't have a lot of (if any) friends, wreaks of cigarette smoke (which I assume is from his parents), and is always early to class to talk to me. Was this his cry for help?! What do I even say?! I couldn't say anything--not with a huge lump in my throat and tears trying to make their way out of my eyes anyway. All I managed to spit out was, "Oh, okay... well that's fine, just enter in what you can."

Ugh. I'm still mad at myself for not saying something more caring. Why didn't I ask him to stay after class and talk to me? Why didn't I ask him why he hasn't eaten? Why didn't I just shove a granola bar in his face right then and there?!

 I had been told in my teaching classes that I would run across student's like this, but I never really believed I would. This is Utah--Happy Valley! And kids don't go hungry or get neglected in Happy Valley! ... How did I think I would be immune to dealing with this sort of thing? Whoever said "Ignorance is bliss" was obviously not a teacher.

After successfully making it through my last class period without crying in front of my students, I walked out to my car and noticed a little envelope on my windshield. I opened it up to find this note:

If you're wondering whether I gave into that huge lump in my throat and broke down in my car crying, the answer is YES. So, so yes.

The cool thing about this was that this was meant for a student. How do I know that? Because I'm forced to park in the student parking lot + I get to school before everyone else in the morning, so no one knows that my car isn't a student's car. Whoever put this note on my car left it for another student. I'm glad they chose my car, though. Because yeah, school can be hard. It was hard today. And this note just reminded me that while there are sad/terrible things that can go on in a high school, there are also wonderful things, like my students that come tell me thank you after a lesson, or watching my students help special needs students, or even leaving little notes on another's windshield.

Yes, school can be hard, life can be hard! There will always be things that we may not have control over, but we can choose whether we want to focus on the good or the bad. We also can choose to add to the good by even the smallest acts of kindness. So cliche, I know, but it's true! I'm grateful for someone choosing to add to the good by placing this note on my windshield today, now it's my turn to do the same.  I plan to do so by putting that $2 bill towards a box of granola bars for my classroom... what about you?