on having a baby

SPOILER ALERT: I'M NOT PREGNANT. So please, no rubbing my pooch if you ever see me in person--it'll just be awkward for everyone. Especially when I try to play it off by saying something along the lines of "You know, I usually let people buy me dinner before I let them do that" and you'll give me that pity/hesitant giggle and avoid eye contact with me the rest of the day. Also, I don't need any more reminders about the fact that I run 4-5 times a week and still have a pooch...

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The reason I'm bringing this up is because it's something that has been on my mind a lot lately. I feel like every day I check my news feed, I see a new ultrasound picture pop up + almost every blog I follow is of someone that's pregnant right now. My first reaction is excitement/happiness for the expecting mama, but then after a few seconds,the jealousy kicks in.

Why?!

I've really had to sit down and ask myself this question. Every time I've asked myself why I'm jealous, I've always come up with answers like, "Well me and Chris have been married longer than they have! Shouldn't we be having a baby before them?" 

And then I have to ask myself...Do I really wish I was pregnant right now? To which my mind immediately says, YES! I want to be all cute and pregnant and have a gender reveal party and blog "bumpdates" and have baby showers and dress my baby in the cutest clothes and have everyone be excited for me and take pretty maternity pictures and be complimented on my "pregnancy" glow and and and... !!

Then my heart sinks a little because I realize that those are all incredibly selfish reasons to want to have a baby, and I am nowhere even close to being ready to have one because of that. I feel guilty for even thinking that way when there are so many people I know that can't have kids, have a really hard time getting pregnant, or are currently having fertility issues. I'm sure those people have much better reasons to wanting a baby then for all the reasons I just listed. Also, what makes me think I'm so special and that I won't be in the same boat they're in someday?! I just assume that when I want to get pregnant it'll happen automatically--no waiting or struggle. Oh, the selfishness and inconsiderateness! Can you see why I'm not mature enough to have a baby yet?!

I will say  that I have at least one good reason on wanting to have a baby right now: Chris.

I get so excited thinking about Chris as a dad because I know he will be an amazing one! I love watching him with kids. He really just has a natural talent with them. The only problem is that when Chris says he wants a baby, he really means toddler. We'll work on that when the time comes, though.

That time will [hopefully] be the same time when my reasons for wanting a baby are more than just about myself. I know that I'll be ready (well, as ready as I can be...if that's possible?) when posting pregnant selfies on Instagram and having an excuse to eat chili cheese fries after midnight are not the only reasons I look forward to being pregnant. Oh, and I'll know I'm ready when I no longer shudder at the idea of having to share food and dish up someone else's plate before my own--I don't know how you mamas do it!

But for now, I'll work on growing up.

GGNO

I wish I could say that a girls night was much needed for me, but it wasn't. Mostly because I don't have kids, I have a student job on campus, and basically my biggest worry in life right now is shaving my legs. But those beautiful ladies next to me in the picture above without a doubt deserved a girls night out! They are all such hard working mamas who are always busy putting their family's needs ahead of their own, so I was so happy that we all got to go out on Saturday to dinner and then see Wicked. 

Ah... Wicked. Such a fun show! I had never seen it before so I didn't really know what to expect, but it definitely did not disappoint! I was teary-eyed before the curtain even went up! And don't even get me started on Defying Gravity--so many feels! I couldn't handle it! I still can't. To anyone considering going to the see it, I say, GO!! (exclamation points!!!). You will not regret it.

Oh, and to my Gourley sisters: Thank you for being awesome and willing to answer my questions about nursing bras and breast pumps and sneaking in treats to the show and sharing dessert with me and acting interested when I tell you stories about Chris- it did not go unnoticed ;)

Here's to many more Gourley Girls Night Outs!

Carnivalin'

After being at the American Fork carnival last night with my Gourley gang, I've come to this conclusion: Carnivals are the most magical/trashy/delicious-smelling/happiest/terrifying things. You know, kind of like Ke$ha (minus the delicious-smelling part). Oh, and that ferris wheels are terrifying and only worth going on for the pictures.

I thought going on the ferris wheel with Chris would be all cutesy and magical like Ryan and Marissa on The O.C. or even The Notebook, but it wasn't. Mostly because we didn't kiss at the top + Chris didn't climb it with his bare hands just to get my attention so I'd go out on a date with him. I wonder why Chris thinks my standards are too high?! Also, Chris takes no consideration into the huge letters behind the carts that say, "DANGER! DO NOT ROCK SEATS" and starts rocking the moment we sit in it. But, I will say that it is pretty cutesy and magical to watch Chris go on the rides with all the little kids-makes my heart melt like a popsicle on the 4th of July!

I think the best part of the night was when we took our nieces and nephews on the ride called "Gee Wizz." I was pretty impressed that they were willing to go on it because it was a huge step up from the little dragon roller coaster ride they had just went on minutes before. I think Chris was even a little nervous to go on it ha (he's much more of a water park kind of guy). I had never laughed so hard in my life watching my nieces and nephews on that ride! I had Morgan on my left giggling but also squeezing my hand a little tighter than usual, and then on my right was Abby who was showing no type of emotion whatsoever, like usual--so stinkin' funny. As I type this I realize this is probably one of those you just had to be there-moments, but trust me, it was funny! I love my Gourley girls.

I hope that the Steel Days carnival becomes a Gourley family tradition so that in a couple of years I'll be able to talk the kids into going on The Ring of Fire with me, but I could just as easily settle for getting together once a year strictly to eat funnel cake.

Blog-Worthy

I, Shayli Gourley, beat Chris in tennis today. Like, I really beat him. I know this because Chris was huffing and puffing and sweating a lot and was actually letting out growls of frustration--music to my ears.

He'll try to tell you that I had some lucky shots and that it was dark and that we needed new tennis balls and that he beat me the other three out of four games we played tonight, but for documenting purposes, we're just stickin' with the fact that I beat him fair and square.

...that's blog worthy, right?!

It's Okay

It's okay that my breakfast consisted of a huge (like way more than the suggested serving size on the side of the cereal box says, but really, who only has 3/4 cup of cereal?!) bowl of Cap N' Crunch, immediately followed by 3 handfuls of Lays Cheddar n' Sour Cream potato chips.

It's okay that I didn't go running this morning because I wanted to stay in my pajamas and watch Grey's instead.

It's okay that packing a lunch took priority over doing my hair (at least it's not in a top knot today! hashtag littlevictories)

It's okay that I've bought 3 different kinds of mascara within the past 2 weeks out of pure curiosity.

It's okay that that there's been a foam camping pad on my living room floor for the past week solely for the purpose of laying on it to watch TV.

It's okay that my to-do-list has "paint nails" and "shave legs" on it in front of schoolwork and laundry.

It's okay that I am already lusting after fat sweaters and booties and wishing it was fall season already because summer is not my jam-too much shaving of legs and asking my sister if she can see my swass through this skirt.

It's okay that I just made you visualize me having swass.

It's okay that I said I was going to go without Dr. Pepper for a week and I'm already on my 3rd one. Also, it's okay that I documented my trip to Swig with a car selfie (but guys! I was adventurous and added raspberry to my DDD!).

It's okay that it's almost mid-July and I've only been to Seven Peaks once.

It's okay that my eyebrows are giving Joe Jonas a run for his money right now.

It's okay that I look forward to going to the bathroom at work just so I have something to do (I die a lot bit inside every time I refresh Pinterest and nothing has changed).

It's okay that I'm blogging at work and making you read this less than mediocre post.

...right?

F words

Fishing - The Gourley gang got up way too early for a holiday and headed up to Strawberry to go fishin' on the pontoon boat. So crazy, so cold, and so fun. 

Family - The people we got to spend the whole day with.

Food - BBQ, of course. We had the best ribs ever (which is saying something, since my family doesn't eat meat off the bone) and you can find that yummy recipe here. Oh, and Chris made his amazing grilled pineapple. Double win.

Fireworks - Watched them in good ol' Pleasant Grove, where we had a random sprinkler attack right as the show started, and I got to kind of live out my fantasy of watching the fireworks with a cute boy on a blanket. Thanks, Chris!

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Hope you all had a fabulous Fourth and were able to take better quality pictures than I did ;)

my best friend is a four year-old?

If you read the title of this post and thought I was referring to Chris, I wouldn't blame you. After all, he is my manchild, but I'm referring to my nephew, Dash--an actual four year-old. Well, 55 months old, if we're speaking in mom. And no, that simple conversion from years to months didn't require finger counting and use of a calculator on my part, you big weird. Anyway, back to Dash aka Dash-man, Dashers, Pineapple, and most recently, "Night Rider" (he's in a motorcycle gang.. the kid is going places, I tells ya!).

Just so you know, this is not intended to be an "I love being an aunt" post, but more of a "Should I be worried that my best friends are my husband, sister, and now my 4 year-old nephew?" post. But guys, Dash really is my friend. He's the kind of friend that just lives down the street (literally), and is completely comfortable walking into your house and eating your food. He's also the kind of friend that shows up at your house in the morning to play Super Smash Bros. Well, for Chris he's that kind of friend anyway. 

Because I see Dash so much, I sometimes forget that he's my nephew. I really just think of him as my tiny human friend that I see every day, who is willing to run errands with me and eat the food I'm trying to get rid of from my cupboards. I think what makes it so easy to spend so much time with him is that he's just so happy and positive all the time--I love it. He's so outgoing, too. Chris is convinced that he's going to be student body president someday ha, which wouldn't surprise me since I can't take Dash anywhere without him making a new friend. Dash is just.... cool. Not just like a 4 year-old cool, but really cool. I'm dreading the day that it's no longer cool for him to be seen with his aunt, or to think that I'm funny, or want to ride in my car all the time. Is this what motherhood feels like?!? 

Stop growing up, Dash-man!

Anyway, the point is that I love that I've gotten to know Dash better and spend so much time with him just by living up the street from him. It makes me wish that all my nieces and nephews lived in our little town home village, so I could get to know them as well individually like I've gotten to know Dash, but I know that my grocery bill just wouldn't be able to afford that--I can barely supply enough gumballs and Tang for Dash as it is!

Okay, this was totally an "I love being an aunt" post--sue me. I can't help it! But are you also a little convinced that maybe I need to get out more? I'm blaming Grey's Anatomy...